The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
