Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize