I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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