remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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