Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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