she woke up with a sticky ear
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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