ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My dick has a subreddit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
