I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
