I love black thongs
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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