i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
