I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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