I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
