Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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