I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They took my balls.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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