You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
