onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
