How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize