Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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