Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
