Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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