Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
