I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
