God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
