Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
