It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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