He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found puke in my bra..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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