my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
