Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
