I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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