i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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