I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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