If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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