would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
