I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
