Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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