Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize