brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
