Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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