thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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