I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
