you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
