I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
