i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize