I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
