idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
