i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
