by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
