So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
