Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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