Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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