it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
