At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
