Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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