Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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