I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
