:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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