he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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