we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
