I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
