i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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