so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
