I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
