girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
