Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize