Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
