dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
