I can tuck mytits in my pants
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i now understand why vodka
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
