Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
