I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
