Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize