A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
