I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
