I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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