The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
