Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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