I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize