I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
