Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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