Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
