This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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