I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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