Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
