i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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