I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
