Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
