dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
