I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
