I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
