Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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