I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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