You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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