So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
